Mr. Fuck

I don’t know, if my last name was Fuck, I would totally own that shit.

Via Medicine Hat News:

What’s in a name?

For Medicine Hat College Rattlers men’s basketball forward Guilherme Carbagiale Fuck, the answer is simple: pride.

While the Brazilian basketball star’s name may stand out on paper, it’s pronounced “Foo-key” and is of German origin.

“It doesn’t mean what people think it means,” said Fuck. “In German it means fox.”

Given the fact that Fuck’s name could bring about unwanted confusion, the college initially opted to use his middle, or first-last name, Carbagiale.

“In a lot of ways, at the beginning we were just going to avoid any confusion or any potential issues, whereas now we’re at the point of, this is the guy’s name, he’s an all-Canadian. We shouldn’t be avoiding it, he’s proud of being a Rattler and we want to support him,” said Rattlers head coach Craig Price. “I think he takes great pride in his heritage, in where he comes from, and technically in what his name is.” Read More…

Except I thought “Fuchs” was the German word for fox, this guys name is just fuck. Own it dude.

Last month Jack Daniels Leathers, 31, and his wife Lydia, 23, gave birth to a baby boy. What did they name that child?

Jim Beam, of course.

Via Houma Today:

Jim Beam Leathers was born Nov. 14 to Jack Daniels Leathers and Lydia Leathers of Gray at Terrebonne General Medical Center.

Jack, 31, and Lydia, 23, said they wanted to continue the whiskey-name tradition Jack’s parents started.

“My parents decided they wanted to name their son something to make their parents mad,” Jack said. “And, at the time, my dad was drinking Jack, which he enjoyed. My mom said, ‘Why not?’ ”

When Jack and Lydia went on their first date, they knew if they ever had children together, they wanted their names to be unique, like Jack’s.

“On our first date, we were talking about baby names. We thought Jim Beam would be a good idea,” he said.

The couple wanted to carry on the theme. When they got married, Judge Johnny Walker of Houma officiated the ceremony. Read More…

The whiskey fueled fun won’t stop there however, if they have more kids the next boy will be Evan Williams and if they have a girl, she would be named Sherry.

Bud A. Weisser, 18, old enough to be charged as an adult, but not old enough to buy a Budweiser, was charged in connection with a burglary of a gas station in August.

Nearly four months after breaking in to a convenience store, police charged Bud A. Weisser, 18, of St. Louis, Missouri, with burglary.

With the name that his parents saddled him with, its obvious that this kid did not win the gene pool lottery at birth. Looking at the haircut his mugshot picture, just further proves that he is not the brightest bulb in set of Christmas lights.

Via The St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

ST. LOUIS COUNTY • Bud A. Weisser, 18, faces a felony burglary charge for breaking into a gas station-convenience store in Lemay on Aug. 21, police said.

Court documents say a St. Louis County police officer on patrol saw a man climbing out of a shattered window at the store in the 900 block of Lemay Ferry Road at about 4:30 a.m.

Officers briefly pursued the man but he got away. After police obtained information that Weisser was responsible, he turned himself in several days later but declined to make a statement, authorities said. Read More…

Phuc X. Kieu, 58, of Orlando, Florida was released after new evidence showed that the sexual assault and robbery charges levied against him were untrue.

This past Sunday in Gainesville, Florida, police arrested and charged Phuc X. Kieu, 58, of Orlando, FL, with sexual battery, robbery and kidnapping. He was accused of assaulting and attempting to rape a man who was withdrawing money from an ATM machine.

Via The UK Daily Mail:

‘The defendant [Kieu] parked his vehicle (green Honda Civic), laid the driver’s seat all the way back and proceeded to watch homosexual pornography on a portable DVD player,’ the report says.

It continues ‘As the victim passed the driver’s side of the vehicle, the defendant exited, grabbed the victim, punched him in the mouth and grabbed he bag containing the money the victim withdrew.’

Kieu, of Orlando, then allegedly tried to undress the man, who was able to get out of Kieu’s Civic, the report says.

At the time, Kieu also allegedly tried to take the man’s backpack from him, which contained the money from the ATM. Read More…

Jeremy Mitchell Foster, 21, of Starke, Florida has been charged with filing a false report after accusing Phuc Kieu of attempted rape.

Now two days later the whole thing has unraveled. It turns out that the “victim” Jeremy Mitchell Foster, 21, of Starke, Florida, made the whole thing up. Foster, admitted to police that the whole story was a farce after new surveillance video was revealed.

Via First Coast News:

Afterward, the man known as Phuc X Kieu was released from jail.

But the damage had been done. On Monday, GPD circulated an arrest report containing the false accusations leveled at Kieu — even uploading it online due to “popular demand.” The post has since been taken down.

“It was well after the story broke that GPD investigators determined that the statements provided by Foster were false,” spokesperson Ben Tobias said in a release Wednesday.

“The on-scene officers conducted a thorough investigation, including speaking with apparent witnesses,” the release said. “At the time, based on information revealed during the investigation, Mr. Kieu was arrested.”

It turns out, a thorough investigation didn’t include looking at surveillance video from a nearby business. That video surfaced during a follow-up investigation after Kieu’s arrest, according to GPD. Read More…

It looks like Phuc Kieu needs to give a big Fuck You to the false accuser for soiling his cool name.

Jacob Stoner & Lacey Kiser were arrested on Sept. 25, 2014 after police found drugs and an emaciated ball python in their car.

I’m not a drug addict so I guess I find this hard to understand, but when heading down to drug rehab, you would think that you would try not to have any drugs with you on the trip. I guess if your last name is Stoner however, the temptation, much like yourself, would probably be too high.

Via The Oregonian:

A Washington couple on their way through Oregon to drug rehab was arrested late Wednesday after Wilsonville police found heroin in their car along with a distressed ball python stashed in an airtight container.

Wilsonville police responded to a report about the couple — Lacey Kiser, 22, of Marysville, and Jacob Stoner, 19, of Arlington – at the Chevron gas station near Southwest 95th Avenue and Southwest Elligsen Road.

Police say Kiser and Stoner were headed to San Bernardino, Calif., for drug treatment when police searched their car, turning up heroin. Clackamas County sheriff’s deputies also also found 2-foot python curled up in a sealed plastic tub, according to Clackamas County sheriff’s Sgt. Dan Kraus said. Read More…

Cameo Adawn Crispi, 32, is accused of trying to set fire to her ex-boyfriend’s home on March 14, 2014, with a pound of bacon left burning on a stove.

A Utah woman is accused of doing one of the most despicable things a person can do… abusing bacon.

Oh yeah, the awesomely-named Cameo Adawn Crispi, 32, of Uintah County, UT, is also accused of using a pound of the heavenly meat to try and start a fire in her ex-boyfriend’s house.

According to police, Ms. Crispi repeatedly called & drunk-texted her former lover while inside his home last March, where she left the bacon smoking over a lit burner.

Crispi, is facing charges of arson, burglary, assault by a prisoner, interfering with an arresting officer, electronic communication harassment and intoxication.

Via Deseret News:

The first officer to reach the house said Crispi was obviously impaired and there was smoke coming out the front door.

“I asked to come in and observed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove,” the officer wrote, noting that he also found a pound of bacon sitting on a cookie sheet on top of the kitchen stove.

“I observed the burner to be on the setting ‘High’ and the bacon to be severely burned and smoking badly,” the officer wrote. Read More…

After police managed to get the fire extinguished, because she was so intoxicated, Crispi had to be taken to the hospital before she could be booked. She was found to have a 0.346 blood-alcohol content and when asked about the fire by the doctor treating her she replied, that it was to “…get back at (her ex-boyfriend).”

Talk about a fitting name.

Paul Scott Stoner, 42, of Unionville, VA arrested and charged with growing marijuana.

Via WISTV:

ORANGE, Va. (AP) – A Virginia man with the last name Stoner is facing drug charges after police found more than $10,000 worth of marijuana plants at his home.

The Orange County Sheriff’s Office says 42-year-old Paul Scott Stoner of Unionville is charged with growing marijuana and having a firearm while in possession of more than a pound of marijuana.

Media outlets report that the charges stem from an ongoing investigation related to the alleged sale of marijuana to children in Orange County. Further charges are pending. Read More…

Shelby Mustang GT500 Miller, arrested 07/11/2014 in Des Moines, IA.

You just can’t make this stuff up.  On Friday July 11, in Des Moines, IA police arrested a man for man for getting into a drunken bar fight with a hatchet. The man’s name? Shelby Mustang GT500 Miller.

Via The Smoking Gun:

Miller, 26, tussled with patrons at the Cheap Seats Sports Bar in Des Moines, according to cops. After departing the bar around 1 AM, he allegedly returned with a hatchet under his shirt, according to a Des Moines Police Department report.

Witness Brian Bates turned the hatchet over to police, saying, “He just dumped this in the bathroom when he came in. He had it under his shirt.” When cops questioned Miller about the hatchet, he became aggravated and yelled at Bates, “You snitch motherfucker, I know you, I’m going to get you.” Read More…

It is unknown if Shelby Mustang GT500 is his birth name or if he had it legally changed, but for his part Mr. Miller claims that police nabbed the wrong sports car. Alleging that he was in fact the victim and it was the other guy who tried to scratch his pain job.

I wonder if he can turn into an actual Sports Car like Turbo Teen.

I guess he should have hibernated through Christmas like all the other bears…

Theodore Edward Bear, 29 years old, has been arrested on Dec 23, 2013 in connection with a reported assault.

Via The Great Falls Tribune:

A Great Falls man is in custody after he was accused of assaulting two family members Monday morning in an incident police are calling an attempted homicide.

Theodore Edward Bear, 29, was arrested on felony charges of attempted deliberate homicide, elder abuse, aggravated assault and evidence tampering.

The incident sent both victims to the hospital with knife wounds. The primary victim, a 27-year-old woman, was stabbed five times, police said. Both are expected to make a full recovery.

Police were called to an apartment complex at 2226 11th Ave. S. around 5 a.m. and located Bear a short distance from the scene with the help of a police dog. Sgt. Bryan Slavik said Bear had injured himself as he fled by jumping through a glass window.

Police also retrieved the knife believed to be used in the attack.

Bear reportedly lived with one of the victims. Police are pressing elder abuse charges because the second victim is a family member older than 65.     Read More…