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Joecephus.com - Random musings from the land of the burning river.
  • Home
  • About
    • Comment Policy
  • General
    • News
    • World
    • Science/Tech
    • Economics
    • Sports
    • The Joecephus Daily
  • Music
    • Album Reviews
    • Liberty Songs
  • Beer
    • The Weekly Pour
  • Cigar Reviews
  • WTF?
  • Politics
    • Civil Liberties
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Food, News, Science/Tech

A Third of “Vegetarians” Eat Meat when Drunk

October 10, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments
savory-beer-meats-cover

A well-balanced meal.

Get a little liquor in the system and even the biggest weirdo freak vegan will chow down on a juicy burger. According to a recent poll in the UK a large amount of so-called vegetarians admit to snacking on tasty animal flesh after having a few too many adult beverages.

Via The Independent UK:

Two in five of 1,789 vegetarians questioned owned up to treating themselves to a sneaky kebab after a few drinks.

And one in three said they indulged in meat every time they went out drinking.

Twenty-seven per cent of the lapsing veggies said they ate bacon, while 19 per cent opted for fried chicken and 14 per cent confessed to munching on sausages.

…

The survey was conducted by money-saving website Voucher Codes Pro.

George Charles, founder of the website, said: “I know a few ‘vegetarians’ who sometimes crave meat, but it seems that a few are giving into their cravings when drunk.

“I think it’s important for friends of these ‘vegetarians’ to support them when drunk and urge them not to eat meat as I’m sure they regret it the next day.” Read More…

I say bullshit, if you have a friend who doesn’t eat meat its you’re duty as a normal person to encourage them to quit their foolishness.

It’s not just British “vegetarians,” 84% of idiots go back to eating meat when they remember that steak is tasty.

WTF?

They Must Have Misunderstood What “Hogging” Is

July 25, 2015by Joecephus1 Comment

tumblr_nryi2698ir1s0tnt7o1_1280

News

Ohio Woman Arrested For Eating Pizza, While Driving Drunk & Naked

June 22, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments

Ahh, young love.

A Northeast Ohio couple were arrested this past Saturday morning while joyriding through town in the buff.

Westlake police caught the couple after a tipster reported seeing them cavorting in the parking lot of a business park, its unknown if its the same Westlake business park that former Ohio Gubernatorial Ed Fitzgerald was caught canoodling with his Irish side piece.

westlakenakedcouple

When police found the couple, Alexandria Mauer, 24, was found easting a slice of pizza while driving naked. Her 33-year-old passenger, Kenneth Gillespie, also naked, was holding a beer can between his feet.

Via Cleveland.com:

The driver, 24-year-old Alexandria Mauer of Bay Village, is charged with suspicion of drunken driving. She refused a breath test at the Westlake Police Department.

The passenger, 33-year-old Kenneth Gillespie of Cleveland, is charged with disorderly conduct while intoxicated, an open container violation and public indecency.

…

The officer determined the two were drunk and ordered them to dress before taking them into custody, according to a police report. Gillespie urinated in the backseat of the police car on the way to the police station. Read more…

Gillespie, who was already on probation for prior drug charges, decided to take a leak in the back of the police car after arrest. He was charged with disorderly conduct, open container and public indecency and was released just after 9 a.m. After being given an old pair of jail pants and shoes to wear home.

Mauer was arrested for DUI and then released shortly thereafter to a family member around 2 a.m. However, less than an hour later, she was again spotted walking down the street, this time with clothes on. According to police she got in an argument with her driver and jumped out of the car. She was again arrested for disorderly conduct and public intoxication.

Beer

A Few Too Many

June 2, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments

I think this guy has had enough.

drunkATM

News

Bikini Wearing Grandma Busted For DUI

April 22, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments
PatriciaEbel

Patricia Ebel, 49, of Naples, Fla., has been charged with drunken driving and having a minor in the car.

I bet she’s going to be a hit at the AA meeting’s she’ll be forced to attend.

Via the NY Daily News:

A grandmother wearing only an itsy-bitsy bikini was arrested for alleged drunken driving after she plowed into the back of a stopped car with her 10-year-old grandson in her vehicle, police said.

Patricia Ebel, 49, failed several field sobriety tests by the side of a Naples, Fla., road and was arrested at the scene, Collier County Sheriff’s deputies said, according to WINK-TV.

Her black BMW appeared to be totaled after she slammed into the rear of a car stopped at a traffic light. News footage shows the blond-haired woman in a stripped two-piece attempting to stand on one foot as deputies put her through the paces of sobriety tests. Read More…

I bet you she’s crazy fun.

News, Politics

New York Welfare Money Spent On Strippers & Booze

April 19, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments

ebt1I suppose it all goes to supporting single mom’s in the end, doesn’t it?

Via The NY Post:

Welfare recipients swiped their electronic benefits cards to get cash at strip clubs, peep shows, porn shops and liquor stores for months after a state law was enacted to stop the practice.

A Post review of state Electronic Benefit Transfer records showed dozens of transactions at ATMs at the off-limits locales, including ABC Liquor Store in Brooklyn, Sin City Entertainment in The Bronx and Sugardaddy’s strip club in Long Island City.

The records were obtained under the Freedom of Information Law by The Post, which in 2013 uncovered numerous instances in which welfare recipients used EBT cards to get cash from ATMs at bars, porn shops and liquor stores.

In 2014, the state spent $2.2 billion in tax money on its Temporary Assistance program, which is intended to pay for housing, utilities and household necessities. Read More…

Yet dumb ass bleeding heart progressives get all angry when anyone wants to scale back welfare.

Culture, Nanny State, Politics

Moonshine: The Fuel For America’s Rebel Soul

March 25, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments
You hardly ever saw Grandaddy down here
He only came to town about twice a year
He’d buy a hundred pounds of yeast and some copper line
Everybody knew that he made moonshine
Now the revenue man wanted Grandaddy bad
He headed up the holler with everything he had
It’s before my time but I’ve been told
He never came back from Copperhead Road

— Steve Earle “Copperhead Road“

Prohibition, one of many profoundly stupid ideas from “progressive” Democrats who just love to ban things, was repealed in 1933. In 1978, one of the only good things that piece of garbage ever did, Jimmy Carter signed into law legislation that made the private home brewing of beer legal. Why the hell then is “moonshining” still a thing?

Reason.TV recently sat down with Jaime Joyce, author of Moonshine: A Cultural History of America’s Infamous Liquor

9780760345849

Click the image to by the book on Amazon.

It is fucking despicable that over 80 years have passed since the repeal of prohibition, over 2 centuries have passed since we over-threw a tyrannical government and home distilling is still not a legal thing in this country.

The government shouldn’t even have the fucking right to even think about banning stuff like that.

News, WTF?

Naked Florida Woman Arrested For Masturbating On Lexus

March 15, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments
AmieCarter

Amie Carter, 31, arrested and charged with criminal mischief and exposure of sexual organs after pleasuring herself in front of a Lexus.

How I missed this story last month when it was first reported, I will never know.

Last February in Orlando, Florida, police arrested 31-year-old Amie Carter after she was found stomping naked on the hood of a Lexus that she had just finished pleasuring herself in front of — while a couple was inside the vehicle.

Now that’s a girl to bring home to Momma.

Via The Orlando Sentinel:

While atop the vehicle, Amie Carter, 31, stomped on the hood and threw a cellphone at car stopped behind the vehicle she was standing on, according to an arrest report.

Carter was arrested and taken to Orange County Jail.

She was charged with criminal mischief and exposure of sexual organs.

Officers responded to East Par Street and Formosa Avenue about 11:15 p.m. Sunday regarding a naked woman walking in traffic.

When police arrived, they saw Carter walking in the middle of Formosa Avenue. She wasn’t wearing any clothes, the report said.

“Carter appeared to be under the influence [of] a heavy unknown substance,” officers wrote in the report. “She appeared in an altered mental state, displaying extremely irrational and volatile behavior.” Read More…

According to court records obtained by the Smoking Gun, Carter’s rap sheet includes prior arrests for narcotics possession, theft, resisting arrest, burglary, drunk driving, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

I might be in love…

General, News

Stolen Bourbon Found In Kentucky Backyard

March 13, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments
GilbertThomasCurtsinger

Gilbert Thomas Curtsinger, 45, was arrested on charges of receiving stolen property over $10,000, four counts of possession of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Responding to a phone tip, the Franklin County Kentucky Sheriffs Department arrested Gilbert Thomas Curtsinger, 45, after finding about $30,000 worth of Stolen Wild Turkey Bourbon sitting in barrels in his back yard.

Sounds like he was planning one hell of a party.

Via WKYT:

The large haul was the five barrels of 2008 bourbon, which were taken from Wild Turkey Distillery in Anderson County. Melton said investigators found the barrels, which are worth between $3,700 and $6,000 each, behind a storage building or shed on Curtsinger’s property.

“Obviously this is a significant amount of bourbon. It’s more than I’ve ever seen,” Sheriff Pat Melton said.

Investigators say Curtsinger worked in the loading dock area at Buffalo Trace. Melton said there is another suspect who works at Wild Turkey. He declined to name that suspect. The sheriff also would not say how they managed to steal the barrels, which weigh 500 pounds each, because it’s part of the ongoing investigation.

Melton would not connect this case — but did not rule out — the possibility that it could be tied to the October 2013 theft of tens of thousands of dollars worth of Pappy Van Winkle. In that case, the Pappy was reported stolen from the Buffalo Trace Distillery in Frankfort.

“I’m very optimistic. I said that a long time ago when this first started and I’m as optimistic now. We’re still working this case. Detectives are working and we’re following up on every lead. The more leads we get on Pappy, the more were gonna follow those up,” Sheriff Pat Melton said. Read More…

World, WTF?

Russian Bears Going To Rehab

March 5, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments

A pair of Russian bears who have been living in a cage outside of a Sochi restaurant for the past 20 years, have reportedly become addicted to alcohol and will be headed to a rehabilitation center in Romania.

According to The Big Hearts Foundation, a British-based charity, the two male bears, which have been seized from the owner of the restaurant in Sochi, have been offered a new home at a bear sanctuary outside Brasov, Romania, where officials said the animals would be treated for alcohol addiction.

Anna Kogan, founder of the Big Hearts Foundation, told the Independent the condition of the bears was “truly appalling.”

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The Big Hearts Foundation said the bears “drowned in beer” at the restaurant for 20 years, as patrons would frequently pass drinks to the animals. “There are drunken people who come to the restaurant, park their cars in front of the bears and throw things to the animals so that they get drunk and behave funnily. They are held in cages — and have been blinded by the car lights,” Kogan told The Independent.

Dzhenkis Uzaroshvili, the owner of the Sochi restaraunt and now former-owner of the bears, denies that anything was wrong with the Bears.

SOCHI-BEARS-2-300x224

Dzhenkis Uzaroshvili, the former owner of the Bears stated, “It is not my concern what visitors are doing to the bears. I am not giving them’ I give them food and water and I do not to anyone because they are my property. ’understand which type of claims can be made.”

Via The UK Daily Mail:

It is thought the bears first appeared at the Patskha-Guria restaurant about 20 years ago when they were cubs.

To begin with the owner Dzheniks Uzaroshvili charged people to have their picture taken with his new pets. But as they grew older, and bigger, they were placed in a small pen.

Visitors continued to come to his restaurant to see his animal attraction and he started allowing people to give them beer and junk food for entertainment.

Mr Uzaroshvili insisted the bears were being kept in normal conditions, telling journalists: ‘Beer is good for them because they live in such a climate.’

However, a number of local people complained about the treatment and protests were held in front of the premises.

‘Nobody has ever done a normal veterinary examination of these bears,’ said one nearby resident, called Natalia. ‘They do not get proper food, they do not have clean water, and there is only a stinking liquid, consisting of a small amount of water and animals’ own urine.

‘There are also people who make fun of the poor animals. Visitors of the restaurant regularly give the bears alcoholic beverages to drink and feed them with chips, cakes and other unsuitable food.’ Read More…

I’m not normally one of those crazy “animals are better then people” types, but man would I like about five minutes alone and a Louisville Slugger in my hands with the scumbag that mistreated these poor animals.

News, World, WTF?

Three Women Wearing Sexy Police Costumes Cause Prison Break In Brazil

February 7, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments
Pictured are the outfits and the booze the three woman used to trick the prison guards.

Pictured are the outfits and the booze the three woman used to trick the prison guards.

In a scenario that probably would have been rejected as too unbelievable on the FOX television series Prison Break, a real-life jailbreak occurred after three woman helped facilitate the escape. The three women, who were dressed in sexy policewoman outfits, reportedly drugged the prison guards with spiked whiskey after convincing them to take part in an orgy. 28 inmates reportedly escaped.

Who could say no to whiskey and hot women?

Via The UK Daily Mail:

They arrived at around 3am on Thursday morning and asked if they could come inside to ‘chat and drink’, police say.

The prison guards obliged and were soon persuaded to leave their posts, before heading to the sleeping quarters with the scantily clad women.

After drugging and handcuffing the wardens, they took their keys and unlocked all the prison’s cells according to police chief Angelina de Andrades Ferreira.

She told a news conference: ‘The plan was to seduce them. They served them cheap whisky with some substance to knock them out, then unlocked the central gate which accesses the internal cells.

‘Whoever wanted to escape left by the front door. From the moment they drank the whisky the agents don’t remember a thing.

‘One was found dizzy, trying to wake up. Another slept for the whole afternoon and couldn’t even be questioned.’

Dozens of prisoners walked straight out the main door carrying guns and ammunition they took from the prison caches.

The inmates took three 12-calibre rifles, shotguns, two 38-calibre revolvers and munition, she said. Read More…

News

Drink Of The Devil: Descendents of Hatfields & McCoys Making “Legal” Moonshine

January 31, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments
DrinkOfTheDevil

According to their website, “… Hatfield & McCoy Moonshine is the very first authentic mountain moonshine ever legally produced by the Hatfields and McCoys. With a taste as original as its name, our moonshine is home fermented, home distilled, and home bottled in small batches in our distillery located in the southern mountains of Gilbert, West Virginia.”

It looks like the family feud has ended and after a couple of generations, the Hatfields & McCoys have combined to form a business distilling moonshine all with the blessing of the strong arm of the government.

Via The Denver Post / AP:

Production of “Drink of the Devil” has been in full swing at a distillery on original Hatfield land, bringing batches to the nation’s store shelves using the original recipe of family patriarch William Anderson “Devil Anse” Hatfield.

Overseen by Chad Bishop, husband of Hatfield’s great-great-great granddaughter, all the work is done by hand in a converted garage on a mountainside six miles from “Devil Anse” Hatfield’s gravesite.

After going through fermentation and distilling processes at Hatfield & McCoy Moonshine, batches are bottled, corked and packaged in-house before being shipped to West Virginia, Florida, Kentucky, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Virginia.

“This is as close as you’ll get to the way it was made 150 years ago,” Bishop said.

Among those lending knowledge and elbow grease to the business are Bishop’s wife, Amber, and her mother, Nancy Hatfield, the oldest living descendant of “Devil Anse.”

Ronald McCoy, a great-great grandson of McCoy patriarch Randolph “Ole Ran’l” McCoy, was a consultant for the distillery’s startup and the product’s testing and marketing. Read More…

Technically, since taxes were paid, they are making “white whiskey” and not “moonshine.”

News

After High Speed Chase, Police Arrest Near Naked Woman For DUI

December 9, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
BreyanaGallagher

Breyana Gallagher, 22, in court after she was arrested for driving drunk. During her arrest she was wearing nothing but a bra.

This past Saturday morning police arrested Breyana Gallagher, 22, of University Place, Washington under suspicion of drunk driving. Now you just know with a name like “Breyana,” this has got to be a good story. The only more police-blotter worthy white girl name is one of any one of those normal names with “Lynne” attached at the end of them.

Police observed her swerving in-and-out of traffic, passing up a red light as well as doing it all while traveling the wrong direction down Highway 509. When police tried to pull her over, Gallagher sped away and they had to eventually use a pit maneuver to force her silver Honda Civic to a stop.

After her car was finally stopped, Gallagher refused police commands to get out of the car, so officers broke the driver’s side window. That is when they discovered that she was wearing absolutely nothing more than a bra.

Via KOMO News:

“It’s not every day you find someone naked driving down the street – especially in the condition she was in,” said Sgt. Tom Thompson with the Fife Police Department. “A female corrections officer even tried to help her to get into a jail outfit. She didn’t want to have any of that.”

Gallagher has no criminal history, state records show. The lifelong Pierce County resident has a few speeding tickets, the prosecutor’s office said Monday.

“She’s a good girl,” Gallagher’s grandfather said after her court appearance Monday. He wouldn’t elaborate.

Gallagher told police she thought she was in Kitsap County. She was taken to the Pierce County Jail and booked for investigation of eluding and driving under the influence. Read More…

I just love the above quote from the Police Sergeant about not every day you find someone driving down the street naked, “especially in the condition she was in.” Apparently sober girls must drive around naked all the time.

Beer, General

Great News: Drinking Beer Makes You Smarter!

September 29, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
Obama-Drunk

Beer makes you smarter? Obama will drink to that!

In news, that any lover of God’s greatest gift to mankind could have told you, drinking beer can make you smarter.

Or at least according to Researchers at Oregon State University, the hops found in beer can make you smarter. The secret? Flavanoids.

Flavonoids are a class of compounds present in plants, known to have numerous health benefits. Studies have shown that xanthohumol, a flavonoid found in hops, improved memory and thinking in a lucky group of lab mice.

The researchers treated the mice with dietary supplements of xanthohumol over the course of eight weeks. Their goal was to determine if xanthohumol could affect palmitoylation, a naturally occurring process that’s associated with memory degradation. The mice then went through a series of tests, to study if the treatments had improved their spatial memory and cognitive flexibility.

There was some other scientific mumbo-jumbo, but for the most part it worked. Now according to the study, it would require drinking 2,000 liters of beer a day (or 5,636 bottles of beer) to ingest the amount of xanthohumol used in the study.

That sounds like a challenge.

Combine that with a 2012 study conducted by the University of Illinois in Chicago, that found that that men who have kicked back a few cold ones were better at solving brain-teasers than their sober counterparts, just is more proof that everyone needs to kick back daily and enjoy a nice hoppy IPA.

Food, News, WTF?

Utah Woman Tried To Burn Down Ex-Boyfriend’s House… With Bacon

August 30, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
Cameo-Crispi-Mugshot

Cameo Adawn Crispi, 32, is accused of trying to set fire to her ex-boyfriend’s home on March 14, 2014, with a pound of bacon left burning on a stove.

A Utah woman is accused of doing one of the most despicable things a person can do… abusing bacon.

Oh yeah, the awesomely-named Cameo Adawn Crispi, 32, of Uintah County, UT, is also accused of using a pound of the heavenly meat to try and start a fire in her ex-boyfriend’s house.

According to police, Ms. Crispi repeatedly called & drunk-texted her former lover while inside his home last March, where she left the bacon smoking over a lit burner.

Crispi, is facing charges of arson, burglary, assault by a prisoner, interfering with an arresting officer, electronic communication harassment and intoxication.

Via Deseret News:

The first officer to reach the house said Crispi was obviously impaired and there was smoke coming out the front door.

“I asked to come in and observed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove,” the officer wrote, noting that he also found a pound of bacon sitting on a cookie sheet on top of the kitchen stove.

“I observed the burner to be on the setting ‘High’ and the bacon to be severely burned and smoking badly,” the officer wrote. Read More…

After police managed to get the fire extinguished, because she was so intoxicated, Crispi had to be taken to the hospital before she could be booked. She was found to have a 0.346 blood-alcohol content and when asked about the fire by the doctor treating her she replied, that it was to “…get back at (her ex-boyfriend).”

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