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Joecephus.com - Random musings from the land of the burning river.
  • Home
  • About
    • Comment Policy
  • General
    • News
    • World
    • Science/Tech
    • Economics
    • Sports
    • The Joecephus Daily
  • Music
    • Album Reviews
    • Liberty Songs
  • Beer
    • The Weekly Pour
  • Cigar Reviews
  • WTF?
  • Politics
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News, World, WTF?

Man Has Penis Chopped Off, Twice

January 13, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments
ManGetsPenisChoppedOffinChi

This image reportedly shows Fan Lung, fighting with his wife outside the Chinese hospital, after she had cut off his penis for a second time.

It looks like China has there very own version of Lorena Bobbitt, and unlike the Ecuadorian-born battered woman who chopped off her husband’s package in 1992, China’s version makes sure she gets the job done.

Apparently 32-year-old Chinese lothario, Fan Lung had used his wife’s cell phone to send some naught texts to his 21-year-old side piece. However, he forgot to cover his tracks, his wife found out and grabbed a pair of scissors to snip off his sausage as he slept.

However, the story doesn’t end there.

Via The NY Daily News:

But after being taken to the hospital where he had it sewn back on, fuming Feng sneaked into his hospital room and cut it off again before throwing it out of a window.

“The first we were aware of what happened was when someone came into the reception area to say a naked man was beating up a woman outside the hospital,” a hospital spokesman said.

“Staff rushed out to see what was happening and found the patient with blood streaming down his legs hitting the woman.

“He was stopped and the woman was taken in for treatment, and then we discovered she had chopped his penis off again.”

Doctors and police officers combed the area outside but failed to find the man’s missing member, and they believed it may have been stolen by a stray dog or cat. Read More…

All hope is not lost however, despite the fact that he will no longer be able to insert tab A into slot B, his younger mistress still plans to marry him as soon as they are legally able to. “It doesn’t matter that he’s lost his fertility,” she said, “he has five children already.”

News, WTF?

Couple Spent Two Days Trapped In Unlocked Closet

January 2, 2015by JoecephusNo Comments
JohnArwood-AmberCampbell

John Arwood, 31, and Amber Campbell, 25, were arrested and charged with trespassing after being found trapped in a closet at Daytona State College in Florida, that turned out to be unlocked. Police arrived after receiving a 911 call from Arwood.

There is no doubt in my mind that if these two shared enough brain cells between the two of them to even know how to vote, that they would both be Obama voters.

On Tuesday, December 30th, John Arwood, 31, and his girlfriend Amber Campbell, 25, were “rescued” from inside a closet at Daytona State College, which was closed for the holiday break. I used the quotation marks around the word rescued, because when police arrived, answering the 911 call of John Arwood, which was placed after being in said closet for two days, they found that the closet was not in fact locked. The dumb ass Obama voters could have “escaped” any time they wanted.

Oh yeah, the room also smelled like meth and feces. The latter of the two was found in the closet, police actually did not find any drugs.

Via The NY Daily News:

When asked what they were doing inside the closet, the couple reportedly told police that they were hiding after being chased on campus by unknown suspects.

Jailhouse records show that this was Campbell’s second booking in Volusia County following charges in 2013 for aggravated battery of a law enforcement officer with a firearm, escape, resisting an officer with violence, and giving a false name upon being arrested.

It was Arwood’s fourth time, however, following multiple arrests for driving with a suspended license among other charges. Read More…

The pair were both arrested for trespassing.

News

Jack Daniels & Wife, Share A Jim Beam

December 26, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments

JackDanielsBabyLast month Jack Daniels Leathers, 31, and his wife Lydia, 23, gave birth to a baby boy. What did they name that child?

Jim Beam, of course.

Via Houma Today:

Jim Beam Leathers was born Nov. 14 to Jack Daniels Leathers and Lydia Leathers of Gray at Terrebonne General Medical Center.

Jack, 31, and Lydia, 23, said they wanted to continue the whiskey-name tradition Jack’s parents started.

“My parents decided they wanted to name their son something to make their parents mad,” Jack said. “And, at the time, my dad was drinking Jack, which he enjoyed. My mom said, ‘Why not?’ ”

When Jack and Lydia went on their first date, they knew if they ever had children together, they wanted their names to be unique, like Jack’s.

“On our first date, we were talking about baby names. We thought Jim Beam would be a good idea,” he said.

The couple wanted to carry on the theme. When they got married, Judge Johnny Walker of Houma officiated the ceremony. Read More…

The whiskey fueled fun won’t stop there however, if they have more kids the next boy will be Evan Williams and if they have a girl, she would be named Sherry.

Culture, News

Screech Arrested on Weapons Charge

December 26, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
Dustin-Diamond-Mugshot

Dustin Diamond, 37, best known for playing Screech on Saved by the Bell was arrested early Friday morning in Wisconsin

Dustin Diamond, 37, the actor who played screech on the 90’s television series Saved By The Bell, was arrested early this morning for carrying and brandishing a concealed weapon — a pocket knife. According to police reports, the former child actor was charged with “Possession of Switchblade Knife,” “1st-Degree Recklessly Endangering Safety,” and “Carrying A Concealed Weapon.”

Via The LA Times:

Dustin Diamond, who famously played Screech on the sitcom “Saved by the Bell,” was arrested early Friday in Wisconsin on charges including recklessly endangering safety in the first degree, a felony.

The actor was taken into custody in Ozaukee County, north of Milwaukee, the county sheriff’s department confirmed.

According to the department’s website, Diamond was being held in lieu of $1,000 bail on the felony charge as well as two Class A misdemeanors: possession of a switchblade knife and carrying a concealed weapon.

Though a department spokeswoman said more details were not expected to be made public until after the actor’s court appearance, scheduled for 1:30 p.m. local time, Gossip Cop reported that the actor and his girlfriend were arrested at home after an alleged bar fight.

Diamond’s girlfriend allegedly punched another woman who was antagonizing them, the website said. Diamond defended his girlfriend, the website said, and the two went home. Read More…

** UPDATE **

Apparently, it was much more then just carrying a concealed weapon. Screech allegedly stabbed some guy in the armpit.

Beer, News

Bud Weisser Charged With Burglary

December 18, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
BudAWeisser

Bud A. Weisser, 18, old enough to be charged as an adult, but not old enough to buy a Budweiser, was charged in connection with a burglary of a gas station in August.

Nearly four months after breaking in to a convenience store, police charged Bud A. Weisser, 18, of St. Louis, Missouri, with burglary.

With the name that his parents saddled him with, its obvious that this kid did not win the gene pool lottery at birth. Looking at the haircut his mugshot picture, just further proves that he is not the brightest bulb in set of Christmas lights.

Via The St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

ST. LOUIS COUNTY • Bud A. Weisser, 18, faces a felony burglary charge for breaking into a gas station-convenience store in Lemay on Aug. 21, police said.

Court documents say a St. Louis County police officer on patrol saw a man climbing out of a shattered window at the store in the 900 block of Lemay Ferry Road at about 4:30 a.m.

Officers briefly pursued the man but he got away. After police obtained information that Weisser was responsible, he turned himself in several days later but declined to make a statement, authorities said. Read More…

News

No Charges For Cop With Five Pounds Of Marijuana Found In Home

December 17, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments

Sometime during November of 2013, a UPS Store employee in Richmond, California, turned over a package of marijuana, that had arrived to Police Officer Joe Avila.

JoeAvila

Richmond police officer Joe Avila (right), won’t face charges after 5 lbs. of marijuana was uncovered in his home. Photo by Kristopher Skinner.

After accepting the package, Avila radioed dispatch to inform them that a formal report of the incident would follow.

That incident report was never filed and the package, which contained about 4-5 pounds of marijuana, never made its way to the police evidence locker.

Five pounds of the wacky tobacky, is almost eighty times greater then the minimum amount needed to face jail time for possession. This past September, the drugs were found in Officer Avila’s home, today the District Attorney’s office decided that no charges would be pressed against the 17-year veteran of the force.

Via The Costa Contra Times:

RICHMOND — A Richmond police officer found with marijuana in his home earlier this year likely won’t be charged with a crime, authorities said, but his future on the police force is undetermined.

Veteran K-9 officer Joe Avila has been on paid administrative leave since September, pending an internal investigation, officials in the Richmond Police Department said.

The Contra Costa County District Attorney’s Office has been investigating since the case came to its attention earlier this year but is not inclined to file charges, said Robin Lipetzky, the county’s chief public defender. According to Lipetzky, the decision likely stems from evidence not strong enough to produce a conviction. Read More…

Avila’s excuse, that his union backed him up on, was that he took the mary jane home to “train” his police dog. Just another case of those entrusted with enforcing the law, being allowed to break the law

General, News

Evil Gun Murders Undocumented House Guest…

December 17, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
carlosDelcid

Carlos Delcid, 22, arrested and charged with first-degree burglary, after a home invasion attempt in which his accomplice, his 18-year-old brother was killed.

No, not really.

In North Carolina on Tuesday evening, a brave 14-year-old who was defending his grandmother, shot and killed a home intruder in justifiable self-defense. Isai Delcid, 18, was the criminal low life killed, his accomplice in the attempted break-in, his brother, was apprehended by police.

Via WSOC:

Delcid and his 22-year-old brother Carlos Delcid, attempted to break into the home on Rolling Fields Lane just after 5 p.m., according to investigators. Isai was shot and died at the scene while police said Carlos fled.

Officers arrested Carlos late Tuesday night and charged him with first-degree burglary.

Police said a grandmother was at the home with her grandson at the time. According to officers, the grandson shot and killed Isai.

grandson shot the intruder.

“It’s not something you can be proud of. But, I’m happy the way it turned out. Because my wife is getting over an illness,” Wyant said.

…

Wyant said he has taken his grandson to the shooting range to teach him how to use a gun, but he’s still surprised by his quick actions Tuesday night.

Wyant said his grandson was protecting his grandmother, who can barely get around, and he said he’s grateful his grandson knew where the gun was and that he and his wife are OK.

“What would have happened if he didn’t have it, if I didn’t go out and get it?” Wyant asked. Read More…

Tragically, the poor kid’s father was murdered in 2008, while working at the auto-repair shop that he had owned. He had to make the tough choice to protect his grandmother and make sure another family member was not killed by a low life thug.

News, WTF?

Naked Jesus Burns Down Church

December 16, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
Juan Carlos Ramirez, 24, of Roswell, GA, was arrested and charged with arson, after he was found nearby a church fire naked and claiming he was Jesus.

Juan Carlos Ramirez, 24, of Roswell, GA, was arrested and charged with arson, after he was found nearby a church fire naked and claiming he was Jesus.

Via WGCL CBS 46:

ROSWELL, GA (CBS46) –
A Roswell pastor spoke out after a man who was found naked allegedly set his church on fire.

Police arrested Juan Ramirez, 24, after they found him naked near the church. Police said Ramirez admitted to setting the church on fire.

According to the incident report, authorities responded to Old Alabama Road and Barrington Drive East after they were told a man was naked.

Authorities found the man, identified as Ramirez, and said he told them he was trying to get in touch with Indian gods.

Ramirez says he is Jesus Christ, but Father Phillip Scott thinks he’s far from it.

“It was 36 degrees by the thermometer on my car and he was arrested totally nude … I don’t know about it being crazy. Let’s just put it this way, there’s something wrong,” Scott said. Read more…

At his bond hearing this morning, which was denied, Ramirez’s attorney requested a psychological evaluation. His next hearing is set for December 30th. So it looks like Jesus will be spending his birthday in Jail.

Civil Liberties, News

Ignorance Of The Law Is No Excuse… Unless You’re A Cop

December 15, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments

In an 8-1 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court sided with law enforcement in a case arising from a police officer’s misunderstanding of the law. In their decision in the case of Heien v. North Carolina, the Supreme court held that a person’s 4th amendment right against an unreasonable search are not necessarily violated even if the arresting office is unaware of the law.

ChiefJusticeRoberts

In an 8-1 decision, writing for the majority, Chief Justice John Roberts said that “Because the officer’s mistake about the brake-light law was reasonable,” no 4th amendment rights were violated.

In 2009 Nicholas Heien was driving with a broken taillight in North Carolina when he was pulled over by police for a single broken brake light. At the time of the incident and arrest the police had mistakenly believed that state law required vehicles to have two working taillights — which was not in fact the case.

Upon receiving consent to search the vehicle, police found cocaine and charged Heien with drug trafficking. At trial, Heien’s lawyer tried to suppress the evidence arising out of the search by arguing that the officer never had the reasonable suspicion needed to the defendant over, because having one broken taillight was not illegal.

The trial court ruled against him, but later on the appellate court found that Heien’s 4th Amendment rights were violated and reversed the decision. Later, the North Carolina Supreme Court reversed the decision again, holding that an officer’s understanding of the state’s taillight requirements could form the basis for reasonable suspicion because that understanding, while incorrect, was reasonable

Which led to the case being heard in the US Supreme Court. Writing for the majority, Cheif Justice Roberts claimed, “Because the officer’s mistake about the brake-light law was reasonable, the stop in this case was lawful under the Fourth Amendment.”

In her dissent, Justice Sotomayer criticized her colleagues for granting so much leeway to police. She wrote:

To my mind, the more administrable approach—and the one more consistent with our precedents and principles— would be to hold that an officer’s mistake of law, no matter how reasonable, cannot support the individualized suspicion necessary to justify a seizure under the Fourth Amendment.

I can’t believe I am agreeing with Sonia Sotomayor, but she is exactly right. This rulingf by her colleagues on the Supreme Court, opens up citizens to the possibility of searches based on all kinds of lawful conduct, as long as the police office making the search has a “reasonable” misunderstanding of the law.

Basically to avoid being searched by the police, citizens will not only have to avoid appearing to be participating in an illegal activity, but avoid appearing to be involved in a legal activity that a police office may possible misconstrue as criminal.

So now, “ignorance of the law” is still no excuse for citizens facing a conviction, but it is now perfectly acceptable for law enforcement to be ignorant of the same laws they are supposed to be enforcing.

Culture, News

Afghanistan In Shock As Woman Walks Down Street

December 11, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments

Apparently a woman was photographed recently walking down the streets of Kabul, Afghanistan with a little bit of leg showing and it sent the whole country into an uproar.

Via The BBC:

A woman walking through the streets in a mid-length dress is nothing shocking in most cities in the world.

But a recent photo of exactly that has spread widely – because it was taken in Kabul, Afghanistan.

“I was shocked,” says the man who snapped the photo, local journalist Hayat Ensafi. “I knew I had to catch this special moment because I never saw a woman here walking down the streets like this.”

Women face severe restrictions on clothing and movement in Afghanistan. After he took the photo, Ensafi tried to talk to the mystery woman.

“But she walked very fast and didn’t talk to me at all,” he told BBC Trending.

After Hayat posted the photo on Facebook, thousands of people shared and commented on it. Although it’s difficult to tell exactly how many people have seen the photo, and what constitutes an online trend in a country with very low internet usage, the BBC’s Syed Anwar in Kabul says the woman is a huge topic of conversation.

“We have seen thousands of people talk about it,” Anwar says. “Not only on social media but also in the streets people are talking about her, wondering if she is mentally ill or if she is protesting.” Read More…

First and foremost, the fact that this is even a news-worthy story disgusts me. Islam is the worst sickness to ever infect our planet. Secondly, what was the whole point of all the deaths of American soldiers and the billions upon billions of US taxpayer dollars spent if a woman still can’t walk down the streets of Kabul unless she is covered from head to toe in a blanket?

_79617560_kabulwoman

2014: A mystery woman walks through the streets of Kabul, the Afghan capital while baring her legs in apparent defiance of strict religious customs. Photo by Hayat Ensafi.

For Comparison:

1972: Three college-age girls freely walk down the streets of Kabul, with above-the-knee skirts.

1972: Three college-age girls freely walk down the streets of Kabul, with above-the-knee skirts.

News

After High Speed Chase, Police Arrest Near Naked Woman For DUI

December 9, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
BreyanaGallagher

Breyana Gallagher, 22, in court after she was arrested for driving drunk. During her arrest she was wearing nothing but a bra.

This past Saturday morning police arrested Breyana Gallagher, 22, of University Place, Washington under suspicion of drunk driving. Now you just know with a name like “Breyana,” this has got to be a good story. The only more police-blotter worthy white girl name is one of any one of those normal names with “Lynne” attached at the end of them.

Police observed her swerving in-and-out of traffic, passing up a red light as well as doing it all while traveling the wrong direction down Highway 509. When police tried to pull her over, Gallagher sped away and they had to eventually use a pit maneuver to force her silver Honda Civic to a stop.

After her car was finally stopped, Gallagher refused police commands to get out of the car, so officers broke the driver’s side window. That is when they discovered that she was wearing absolutely nothing more than a bra.

Via KOMO News:

“It’s not every day you find someone naked driving down the street – especially in the condition she was in,” said Sgt. Tom Thompson with the Fife Police Department. “A female corrections officer even tried to help her to get into a jail outfit. She didn’t want to have any of that.”

Gallagher has no criminal history, state records show. The lifelong Pierce County resident has a few speeding tickets, the prosecutor’s office said Monday.

“She’s a good girl,” Gallagher’s grandfather said after her court appearance Monday. He wouldn’t elaborate.

Gallagher told police she thought she was in Kitsap County. She was taken to the Pierce County Jail and booked for investigation of eluding and driving under the influence. Read More…

I just love the above quote from the Police Sergeant about not every day you find someone driving down the street naked, “especially in the condition she was in.” Apparently sober girls must drive around naked all the time.

General, News

Assault With A Deadly Sex Toy

December 8, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
HeidiCreamer-2011

Heidi Creamer, above, in a mugshot from a separate 2011 arrest, was charged with domestic battery after knocking out her twin sister during an argument over a vibrator.

There is nothing quite as magical as sisterly love, take for example twins, Heidi & Holly Creamer of Florida.

On the afternoon of December, 7th, from the 3rd floor balcony of the apartment that she shares with her sister, Holly Creamer screamed out to neighbors for somebody to call 911. Holly you see moments before was punched in the face and knocked down to the ground by her sister Heidi after a verbal argument the two had over Heidi’s boyfriend as well as a vibrator turned violent.

When police arrived Holly was still up on the balcony and Heidi was locked outside the apartment door screaming obscenities at her battered twin sister. Due to her aggressive behavior and violent outbursts, the officer on the scene restrained Heidi in handcuffs until back up could arrive.

Unfortunately, the police report, did not get into specifics about the nature of the argument over the boyfriend or the sex toy.

News, WTF?

Canadian Woman, Praying For A Resurrection, Left Corpse Rotting in Bedroom For Months

December 2, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments

There is religiosity, there is blind faith and then there is Kaling Wald, 50, of Hamilton, Ontario — who is just plain fucking insane. Wald’s husband Peter, 52, died in March of last year. Did she do what any grieving spouse would do, mourn the loss of her dear husband, have a funeral , grieve while holding her family together as they continue to live their lives.

PeterKailing-Van

This undated Google street view image, shows the van that Peter and Kaling Wald drove their family around in, parked outside their Hamilton, Ontario home.

No, she did none of this, because as I have previously said, she’s fucking insane.

Peter Wald suffered from diabetes and had developed a serious infection in his foot, however the devoutly religious man refused to seek medical attention and instead that “God would provide a cure.” Well the big guy upstairs was a little busy and Peter “slipped into a coma”. His devoted wife continued to sleep at his side however, after a few days she started to get a little worried when she had noticed signs of stomach bloat and rigor mortis in the corpse she had been sharing her bed with.

Mrs. Wald, being the devoted religious nut-job that she is, wrapped her dead husbands body in blakents that she secured down in duct tape, leaving his feet to stick out however. She then sealed the door and air vents up, to protect the family from the smells of rotting death coming from corpse dad. Finally she told her poor brainwashed children that if they all “prayed hard enough,” God would bring their dead father back to life.

Via The Hamilton Spectator:

On Monday, Kaling, 50, pleaded guilty to failing to notify police or the coroner that her husband had died due to a sickness that was not being treated by a doctor. It’s the first known case of its kind (involving the resurrection belief) in Canada.

The criminal charges originally laid in the case – neglect of duty regarding a dead body and offering an indignity to a body – were withdrawn and replaced with that single charge under the Coroner’s Act.

Kaling had no ill intent, all agreed. As assistant crown attorney Janet Booy put it, the devout Christian woman’s faith had “tainted and warped her better judgment.”

“We were trusting God…we thought, ‘OK Lord, you know better,” Kaling told the Spectator after court Monday, with lawyer Peter Boushy by her side. Read More…

My favorite quote from the article, is this gem from the looney Mrs. Wald, “It was unusual, yes. It was certainly not normal. And we won’t do that again…laws exist and we know that now.”

It’s fucking idiots like this woman that open up the door for dipshit atheists to blast all religious people, including the vast majority of religious people who are normal.

General, News, WTF?

Man Named Phuc Kieu Falsely Accused Of Rape

November 26, 2014by Joecephus1 Comment
PhucKieu

Phuc X. Kieu, 58, of Orlando, Florida was released after new evidence showed that the sexual assault and robbery charges levied against him were untrue.

This past Sunday in Gainesville, Florida, police arrested and charged Phuc X. Kieu, 58, of Orlando, FL, with sexual battery, robbery and kidnapping. He was accused of assaulting and attempting to rape a man who was withdrawing money from an ATM machine.

Via The UK Daily Mail:

‘The defendant [Kieu] parked his vehicle (green Honda Civic), laid the driver’s seat all the way back and proceeded to watch homosexual pornography on a portable DVD player,’ the report says.

It continues ‘As the victim passed the driver’s side of the vehicle, the defendant exited, grabbed the victim, punched him in the mouth and grabbed he bag containing the money the victim withdrew.’

Kieu, of Orlando, then allegedly tried to undress the man, who was able to get out of Kieu’s Civic, the report says.

At the time, Kieu also allegedly tried to take the man’s backpack from him, which contained the money from the ATM. Read More…

MitchelFoster

Jeremy Mitchell Foster, 21, of Starke, Florida has been charged with filing a false report after accusing Phuc Kieu of attempted rape.

Now two days later the whole thing has unraveled. It turns out that the “victim” Jeremy Mitchell Foster, 21, of Starke, Florida, made the whole thing up. Foster, admitted to police that the whole story was a farce after new surveillance video was revealed.

Via First Coast News:

Afterward, the man known as Phuc X Kieu was released from jail.

But the damage had been done. On Monday, GPD circulated an arrest report containing the false accusations leveled at Kieu — even uploading it online due to “popular demand.” The post has since been taken down.

“It was well after the story broke that GPD investigators determined that the statements provided by Foster were false,” spokesperson Ben Tobias said in a release Wednesday.

“The on-scene officers conducted a thorough investigation, including speaking with apparent witnesses,” the release said. “At the time, based on information revealed during the investigation, Mr. Kieu was arrested.”

It turns out, a thorough investigation didn’t include looking at surveillance video from a nearby business. That video surfaced during a follow-up investigation after Kieu’s arrest, according to GPD. Read More…

It looks like Phuc Kieu needs to give a big Fuck You to the false accuser for soiling his cool name.

Culture, Food, News

Sad Clown, Only Wanted Some Taco Bell

November 20, 2014by JoecephusNo Comments
GabrielHarris

Gabriel Harris, 33, poses with a sad clown face in his mugshot. Harris was arrested for assaulting a cop after denied service in a Taco Bell drive-thru.

All he wanted was to be left alone to ride his bicycle and eat some Taco Bell. Gabriel Harris, 33, was arrested last Sunday morning in New Smyrna Beach, FL after a drunken night which ended with a scuffle with police. Police were called to the scene after Harris caused a scene when he was denied service at the drive-thru because he was on a bicycle and because the restaurant had just closed.

Via WFTV:

Reports said police found Harris sitting on the bicycle at the speaker. Police said as officers asked Harris to leave they spotted a Swiss Army knife on his belt loop. An officer reached for the knife, but Harris grabbed his wrist.

The officer wrestled Harris to the ground and arrested him.

Harris faces a charge of resisting arrest with violence. Read More…

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